There are days where I just can’t get it together. Where I feel as if I’m juggling watermelons with greasy fingers. Everyone ends up in tears. Today is one of those days. It’s hard enough getting out the door with two kids and a dog but even harder to coordinate Saturday morning errands with all of the above’s eating and sleeping schedules. All I need is teatime with twins, or an hour-episode of that reality show of a family with ten kids to give me that slap in the face to shut me up. I’m not asking for a pity party, or saying that my situation is any harder than anyone else’s. On the contrary, I realize how incredibly privileged I am. But, let’s face it, there are some days far harder than others.
Like Thursday, for instance, where it all blew up when Sofia was crying and wouldn’t fall asleep even though i rocked her ALL AFTERNOON. Brie (the dog) had yogurt all over her head (Luca said she was hungry and asked him for some of his afternoon snack). And, finally, Luca was so irritated by my short temper that he bit my butt. It was one of the few most beautiful days of the year (n.b. there are only about five of them per year in Brussels), and yet I resorted to strapping Luca to our bed in front of “Stuart Little: Part 3.” This is all after a lovely morning in the park, followed by lunch there, and a successful outing with Luca and Sofia to the shoe store. But we were all in the breakdown lane by the late afternoon when I wanted nothing more than to chug a beer with old friends and wash away my exhaustion with laughter. The frustrating thing, too, is that at the moment in which your child is acting like Devil Child, his behavior and the situation you’re in seems like the worst thing in the world. Yet the moment I reflect on it all or tell a friend about how miserable I was in that very moment, it all seems, sounds and is so ludicrously inane. But, in the moment it’s all happening, I just want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry, and I question whether my kids will remember my own demonic moments.
Yesterday was better. But this morning wasn’t great. It resulted in our splitting up: I’m at home feeding the baby, and my husband took Luca to the supermarket (one of Luca’s all-time favorite activities). Sofia is asleep on my chest as I write this. Splitting up feels like we’ve somehow been defeated. Although I honestly don’t think that, at this stage with a newborn, it’s possible to do everything en famille all the time. I pray that the afternoon has better luck in store for us. Aaaaah, parenthood! The toughest job I’ve ever had. But still, despite the bumpy road, and brused, bitten butt, I’m loving it.
